Ambien. No doubt about it.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize