i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
