chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
