your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I wish I could punch you in the face.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
