She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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