quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
