hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
