i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
