My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize