I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
