He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The adults are the big ones right?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
