I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
