Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
