Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
