There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
