um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
pray to the hookup gods
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
