Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
