I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
