it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
