We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
