So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
