4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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