I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
