you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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