i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
