Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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