on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
