I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Let's paint friendship bongs
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
