i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
