I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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