Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
