i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
