i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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