I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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