if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
