Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
