dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
