Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
