New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
