Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
