So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
