I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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