One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
