If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
