I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
