Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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