Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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