My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
