he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
