you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize