I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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