I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my vag is so smooth its legendary
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
