mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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