I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
