Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
