His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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