Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
