Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I CAN MOONWALK!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
