So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
