You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
