I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
