Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
