There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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