Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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